Hi, everyone.

It’s been a while since I have written and one of my thoughts for the closing of this year is to find the time to write more, to write of different things, to share and hopefully pass on to all of you some new ways of being and some skills that have been useful to me and may be useful to you.
Because 2009 is closing I wondered if this might be useful to you, it’s a useful process for me so I guess my future is already beginning, I’m writing and suggesting and sharing…. ask yourself the questions above, to get some awareness and insights for yourself… go ahead and give yourself some reflection time before the new year begins…

I’m in India right now, in New Delhi sat in my son’s sitting room. It’s a quiet room and by that I mean its clear of clutter, his furniture is minimal and the colours are pale and calm.  He moved here with his girlfriend last August and they are creating their home together, so for Christmas they gave each other pictures and a mirror.  It reminded me of creating my first home and how empowering it is each time I have a change in my own home, move things around, give things away, buy new possessions. In a similar way the clutter clearing we do in our own heads and hearts has the same affect, by clearing our old thoughts and sifting through what worked and what doesn’t it makes way for the new and what we want…
Maybe you could spend 5 or 10 minutes doing each of the following steps

•    What have you accomplished this year, think about all the memorable things that have happened and everything you are grateful for.  Spend a few moments writing down all the things you have achieved. Writing things down and actually reading them back is far more powerful than just thinking them, it makes them real, bring them into reality.
In my sessions with people they often say, ‘Oh I haven’t achieved or done anything’, and when I challenge them a smile appears and they say  ‘yes you are right, I have done this and this and this’, no matter how small it is, record it, feel good about it… it could be even noticing the responses from others, getting up earlier, cleaning your teeth before bed, painting your toe nails, putting in the effort to have made that call when you were tired knowing it would mean so much to the other person, putting someone else first when you know it will make a difference to their life, putting yourself first which might be a new experience.  There will be many milestones that you have achieved in 2009, get going with that pen and paper and be surprised

•    Now think of the things that happened or you experienced or you actually did and decide if there were ones that you don’t want again, what would be best left behind?  This is a great time to de clutter and that can include: unhelpful habits, behaviours that hurt you and others, limiting beliefs and people you no longer wish to spend time with.   You could even close your eyes in this piece and  ‘on the inside’ have a wander around your house, inside and outside, and see the areas that you would like to change and the things you want to discard or clean up. Again write all this down, make a list of the things that you want to leave behind.  It doesn’t mean they all have to be done now, but it’s useful to know and refer back to

•   Now, what do you want in your future?  It’s yours to choose, what do you want in your life that’s not already there?  What would you really like to experience and enjoy?  What would really enhance your life?  What do you want more of?  If your life is exactly as you want it to be what would you see, are you on your own or are there others with you?  Are there new skills that you would like to learn?
Dream and allow your imagination to run wild, really feel what it would be like to achieve these things, be there…then… cut pictures out of magazines and make a collage, draw pictures, get some felt tips, mind map, make notes… get it down somehow, capture those dreams and be amazed as they manifest in your life…  If you just don’t know, and that is possible, then ask yourself this question “If a miracle happened while you were sleeping, and when you woke up tomorrow, the things in your life that you want the most had happened, how would you know there had been a miracle?  A great question isn’t it? …. So what would you see when you woke up, and how would that feel and would you hear anything that would let you know a miracle had taken place? Then capture all of that…. for some of you this may be very emotional to actually allow yourself to have what you really want, maybe for the very first time…
If we don’t have a map of where we are going how do we get there, well the truth is we don’t… so give your conscious and unconscious mind some stuff to really get its teeth into and draw those things to you that you really want.

•    Now when you have done all of this there is one more, well a couple of things to do.  Firstly, forgive yourself for all the things you wish you hadn’t done, or did do that you felt were inappropriate, be kind to you, let these things go and learn from the experience, find the silver lining and pearl in the oyster
And now the fun bit, read through your accomplishments and really feel how great this is for you, I don’t know how you will imagine this, it could be a silver thread running through those words on the page, it could be a shaft of light illuminating those brilliant words and sentences, or you may hear a piece of music and have feelings in parts of your body that make you smile
Now think of a time when you were really determined and strong… think of a specific time in the past, be there now and look at the things, behaviours and people you want to let go of, and notice what happens, you may even be able to put a date on some of those things.. exactly when you want that to happen, just feel those feelings that you associate with making things happen for yourself…notice how good it is to let go of the things that no longer nurture you, hold your attention or allow you to feel good… wow that’s great isn’t it??
Now look at your future that you are entering now.. those dreams that are already beginning, those pictures, words, images that you have put into your future and imagine that they are already here now, you are living them… feel the energy, the excitement,  the pull of Your Life, the one you are creating now, one step at a time… when you imagine and dream you attract what you want, you create what you want, after all you are the creator of your own life, are you not?  I’m not talking here about wishing for this future, I’m asking you to step into it and experience it…

I remember reading a story about a man who at the age of 19 sat and dreamed of how his life would be in his future, he saw where he would live, the detail, what he would do on the way, the experiences he would have, the kind of people he wanted to meet and his work etc etc.  he wrote it all down put it in an envelope and mailed it back to his old address and asked his mum to keep the envelope and not to open it… years later when his Mum had died he was clearing through her belongings and found the envelope.  He was 50 years old when he opened that envelope and to his amazement he had accomplished almost all of his dreams that he had written down all those years before… it was possible for him and its possible for you too… so instead of  living in the past, which is what it is your past that and move into your present and open it and realize that every step of your present is creating your future, live with an awareness that each and every moment gives you either a smile or a frown and as a close friend said to me this morning smile until your happy… go create the life that makes you happy.  2010, is going to be a special year for all of us.

A very Happy New Year to all of you from me in India, Namaste….

Sorry this is a little late,  for some reason I couldnt publish on New Years Eve and so here we are the 4th January and I am now in Bhutan and getting ready for another adventure… my thoughts from last year are already turning into reality and I hope that your will be too.  Happy reflecting, thinking and creating…

I haven’t written for a while, have I?  Where does the time go? And even though I haven’t written to you all I have be thinking about you, my faithful readers … so, here I am sat on a balcony in the French Alps surrounded by snow capped mountains and blue sky.  I am away skiing and have been on the slopes until 2pm and am now taking a break and enjoying the peace that comes from this place.  There is a tall pine tree in front of me, and the snow comes right up to the lower branches.  Every roof I can see is covered with snow and the mountains in the background are all in black and white with the sun making amazing shadow patterns across the crags and ravines.  All I can hear is birdsong from the little birds as they fly from tree to tree and the drip, drip of the water as it runs from the snow covered roofs and down the gutter to join the streams that are appearing on the mountainside as the snow transforms to water in the sunshine. The tapping of my keyboard is the only other noise which tells me that I have things to share and hopefully some of this will resonate especially with those of you who are HSP’s [highly sensitive people] and working out how to make sense of your lives. Sitting here allows to me to consider the ways in which I hide my sensitivity and I wonder how many ways you do too?

I skied for many years with the same group of lovely people,  our kids all grew up together and enjoyed fun in the snow.  We used to be up early and out to catch the first lifts up the mountan and skied till we dropped, and then would stay up chatting in the evening and then up again the next day to ski again etc etc.  I used to get home after the holiday and feel completely exhausted and I didn’t understand why, I used to want another holiday to recover! What I realise today is how I made myself keep up with everyone else, I couldn’t ‘let the side down’. I wanted to fit in, wanted to be the same and yet every holiday I would get back home so very tired.  Today I realised just how I put my own needs on hold back then, I didn’t listen to my inner voice, and I didn’t listen to my body, I really hid my own needs in order to be liked and included. Actually it was all a little too much and I would have liked to have taken some time for me at some point during the day.  Do you ever do that?  Do you find that you can be a chameleon and you fit in with a situation and or people, even when you know that deep inside its not ok for you?

So let’s do a little experiment, a little self hypnosis……

Just take a moment, close your eyes…… take a deep breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Feel your shoulders drop down…. Feel your body begin to let go……Allow the out breath to be twice as long as in the in breath and exhale really slowly, blowing slowly, slowly out …. And repeat several times…..  and then just ask yourself these questions….

Where do I feel most the comfortable?

Think of a situation where you were really happy, contented, peaceful, in touch with yourself… for some of you it may be on a beach, for others, it may be in your bed, in a forest, on a mountain, by a waterfall  or you could even make a place up… but here’s the important piece… really get in touch with what’s happening on the inside, deep inside, notice how you feel, be curious, be aware, what does this feeling feel like, realy take your attention al the way down, on the inside….. and now give it a name… it could be ‘peaceful’, it could be ‘warm’, it could be ‘calm’, could be ‘in touch’, joy, ME, whatever it is will be perfectly right just for you and sit with that and get to know it, really get to know it well.

Now think of a situation where you found yourself somewhere or with someone and wished you weren’t there.

What does that feel like?  The same as the above situation or different?  What does that feeling feel like, do you want more of it?  I didn’t think you would  )  So what would happen if you had an invitation and noticed  ‘this feeling’ on the inside and it meant you didn’t want to go or the situation just wasn’t compelling enough.  Would that change the way you respond?’  If you felt that feeling even for a fleeting moment would you hesitate before you said ‘yes please’’? Would that give you enough time to ask yourself, ‘Do I really want this’?  Could I say ‘no’, or ‘I would rather not’. Could you say something that honoured you and the other person?  How would that go?   It might go like this… ‘I really appreciate you asking me to …. and on this occasion it doesn’t feel right for me, and please ask me again’.  Getting in touch with what’s right for you and also gets you a win win situation creates a lot more comfort than being dishonest to yourself and others.  And doing this is a little like exercising a muscle, the more you use it the easier and stronger it becomes.

The final part is this, there may be situations that require a ‘maybe’ answer.. they are not a ‘I would rather not’ and not a ‘yes’ they are a ‘maybe’, can you feel what’s that’s like?

Can you think of a situation where you are just not sure of what to answer.  You don’t get the ‘happy’ feeling on the inside and you don’t get the ‘no’ feeling either it’s kind of in between.. well, that’s a call for more information so start to ask some really good questions, in fact brilliant questions.. first of all think ‘what do I need to know about this situation that will allow me to make a good decision’?
Imagine that you have been asked to go on holiday with a friend, the place seems interesting but you have a ‘don’t know’ going on… ask yourself what needs to happen for me to have a good time?   Your brilliant questions may be ‘ will I have my own room’?, ‘Will I have space in the evening for myself’’? ‘Will  we be go out to eat in the evening’? ‘How does the week need to work out’? ‘What would happen on your ideal holiday if you were to go away with this friend’?

Each question you ask, gives you more information, keep asking both yourself and your friend until you have enough information so that you can either answer ‘yes’ or ‘I would rather not’..

So begin to consider…..How valuable and honest is your ‘yes ‘if you don’t say ‘no’?

Do you adapt to situations and put your own needs at risk?  And when you do that, what happens to you on the inside, to your spirit to your heart, to your very own self?

If you say yes when you really want to say no, are there certain circumstances when this happens, or with certain people, or do you do it most of the time?  What can you notice and learn about that?

Keep increasing your awareness about yourself and you will find you are also increasing your awareness around others.  Keep being curious, its like life blood, it leads to wonder, it leads to new possibilities……

Till next time, take care
Love Ali

Ali Plowright

How many of you have brains that have trouble switching off, high sensitivity, vivid imaginations and thoughts that sometimes don’t like to be tamed. Thoughts that keep you stuck and stop you even getting started?

Last week I joined a group of people who had been on retreat together for 5 days, I joined for the last 2 days. The place was a quiet backwater but what was happening there was anything but quiet. The place was in Snowdonia in the UK, the retreat house was surrounded by small shrubs and bushes all turning the most beautiful autumn colours of red, yellow, and deep orange. In front of the house was a large lake and in the distance the mountains covered in sparkley white snow. It was so very beautiful, the wind stirred up the ripples on the lake in just the same way as the meditation and sharing a space together stirred up the ripples inside all of us. It was a time to be aware, to cultivate an attitude of awareness and curiosity.

The group lovingly opened and let me in. I took the challenge of fast integration and the dumping of everyday life. My challenge was to swallow my doubts around being accepted and being liked and getting into the mindset quickly and easily. I was also concerned about changing the energy of the group, so many thoughts were whizzing around in my head, you can hear them cant you, I was in fast mode and everyone else was in slow awareness! I gave in, I became aware of a desire to take it steady, to listen on the inside to what my body wanted to do and take it step by step, little by little, relieve the pressure and know that it was important to do what felt ‘right’ for me and to know that that would also be ‘right’ for the group, to be mindful.

Keeping that unbroken surface on the lake and silencing the inner critic, the vivid imagination, the untamed thoughts is a job for life isn’t it, and not for the feint hearted. What happens when you drop that pebble into your lake, where do the ripples go to? Does it just affect you or others who care for you or those who work with you, or those you care for, or does it give pleasure or consideration? What would life be like to live with an awareness that allowed you to see what would happen to those ripples before you dropped the pebble? Would you pick up a different one or just not drop it at all?

Can you think of a situation right now that you are wrestling with? Take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. Look at it from underneath, from above, from the left and from the right. When we get troubled we often get tunneled vision, all we can think of is that particular thing, do you know that kind of thinking? : ) So take a look from a different place, create a different view. From your lake take a look at the mountains, what colour are they, how steep, what kind of vegetation is there, how tall are they, what lives there etc etc and now back to your problem. Is the ‘pebble’ the same or different?

What if everything you do you do with an awareness of the direction you want to move in. Slowing things down will also allow you to be aware of your thoughts can you do that without judging or blaming? Be curious, be playful and you may find out more than you imagined.

I felt so privileged to hear the conversations of those who had been deeply moved by their experience last week, sometimes the words came out so slowly that we all sat gently waiting for each carefully chosen word to appear and convey just the right message for that moment. How often do you take the time to consider your words and actions, and do you consider how they impact on yourself and others?’ How often do we just blurt out what is in our heads?’ On the other hand when do you not share what you are thinking? Are there words that you keep inside, you just think them in your head for fear of seeming too emotional, too caring, too gushing, too stupid, too sensitive, too outrageous?’ and how would the world be different if you shared some of those?

I once read that words are like feathers, once out in the world they blow away with little chance of recovery, so take some time to choose the right ones……
The people I joined in this still place without the stresses and strains of life chose their words well, do you? Maybe you could try this:

If I know that I have something cooking on the inside and need to voice what’s happening I prepare the person I am talking to by saying this: ‘There is a conversation I want to have and it may be a little uncomfortable, can we talk, and is now a convenient time?’ It allows the other person to prepare because remember they are not in your head and they probably know nothing at all about what you are going to talk about. Try it out and see what happens…..

On the retreat there was a beautiful woman who shared some thoughts on her life, she said that she found herself in a quiet backwater, it was safe and she felt safe, but somehow her life had no edge, she said she needed to get back into the flow with all of its difficulties and joys. She reminded me of a quotation I read many years ago and which still has the effect of giving me a metaphorical shake… ‘

Ships are safe in harbours, but they are built to go to sea’.

Do you sit safely in your backwater, pretending that everything is fine? It’s a safe place isn’t it, but is it a fulfilling place? Is it fun? Is it joyful in there? Are you using all of yourself?…. ships are built to go to sea…… if you were to wake up tomorrow and a miracle had happened, what would let you know? what would you be doing? How would you feel? What would you see? what would you hear? Ahhhhh, now what is the very first tiny step that you could take to make that happen? And even if its having that thought you have already began : )

To finish today I want to share this film with you… On a Monday I receive a short films alert and this weeks is beautiful and so thought provoking. I wondered if you would like to watch it too? The guy, Nic Askew, always manages to capture such spirit and humanity and his films move me so much, he is doing what he loves and also giving so much to all of us who watch and take in, I wonder what his tiny step was and I wonder if he ever thought he would give so much to so many just as the woman who features in this film did…
This is the link:

http://www.soulbiographies.com/2008/11/in-the-life-of-another/

Take care and have a great week

Ali Plowright