I haven’t written for a while, have I?  Where does the time go? And even though I haven’t written to you all I have be thinking about you, my faithful readers … so, here I am sat on a balcony in the French Alps surrounded by snow capped mountains and blue sky.  I am away skiing and have been on the slopes until 2pm and am now taking a break and enjoying the peace that comes from this place.  There is a tall pine tree in front of me, and the snow comes right up to the lower branches.  Every roof I can see is covered with snow and the mountains in the background are all in black and white with the sun making amazing shadow patterns across the crags and ravines.  All I can hear is birdsong from the little birds as they fly from tree to tree and the drip, drip of the water as it runs from the snow covered roofs and down the gutter to join the streams that are appearing on the mountainside as the snow transforms to water in the sunshine. The tapping of my keyboard is the only other noise which tells me that I have things to share and hopefully some of this will resonate especially with those of you who are HSP’s [highly sensitive people] and working out how to make sense of your lives. Sitting here allows to me to consider the ways in which I hide my sensitivity and I wonder how many ways you do too?

I skied for many years with the same group of lovely people,  our kids all grew up together and enjoyed fun in the snow.  We used to be up early and out to catch the first lifts up the mountan and skied till we dropped, and then would stay up chatting in the evening and then up again the next day to ski again etc etc.  I used to get home after the holiday and feel completely exhausted and I didn’t understand why, I used to want another holiday to recover! What I realise today is how I made myself keep up with everyone else, I couldn’t ‘let the side down’. I wanted to fit in, wanted to be the same and yet every holiday I would get back home so very tired.  Today I realised just how I put my own needs on hold back then, I didn’t listen to my inner voice, and I didn’t listen to my body, I really hid my own needs in order to be liked and included. Actually it was all a little too much and I would have liked to have taken some time for me at some point during the day.  Do you ever do that?  Do you find that you can be a chameleon and you fit in with a situation and or people, even when you know that deep inside its not ok for you?

So let’s do a little experiment, a little self hypnosis……

Just take a moment, close your eyes…… take a deep breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Feel your shoulders drop down…. Feel your body begin to let go……Allow the out breath to be twice as long as in the in breath and exhale really slowly, blowing slowly, slowly out …. And repeat several times…..  and then just ask yourself these questions….

Where do I feel most the comfortable?

Think of a situation where you were really happy, contented, peaceful, in touch with yourself… for some of you it may be on a beach, for others, it may be in your bed, in a forest, on a mountain, by a waterfall  or you could even make a place up… but here’s the important piece… really get in touch with what’s happening on the inside, deep inside, notice how you feel, be curious, be aware, what does this feeling feel like, realy take your attention al the way down, on the inside….. and now give it a name… it could be ‘peaceful’, it could be ‘warm’, it could be ‘calm’, could be ‘in touch’, joy, ME, whatever it is will be perfectly right just for you and sit with that and get to know it, really get to know it well.

Now think of a situation where you found yourself somewhere or with someone and wished you weren’t there.

What does that feel like?  The same as the above situation or different?  What does that feeling feel like, do you want more of it?  I didn’t think you would  )  So what would happen if you had an invitation and noticed  ‘this feeling’ on the inside and it meant you didn’t want to go or the situation just wasn’t compelling enough.  Would that change the way you respond?’  If you felt that feeling even for a fleeting moment would you hesitate before you said ‘yes please’’? Would that give you enough time to ask yourself, ‘Do I really want this’?  Could I say ‘no’, or ‘I would rather not’. Could you say something that honoured you and the other person?  How would that go?   It might go like this… ‘I really appreciate you asking me to …. and on this occasion it doesn’t feel right for me, and please ask me again’.  Getting in touch with what’s right for you and also gets you a win win situation creates a lot more comfort than being dishonest to yourself and others.  And doing this is a little like exercising a muscle, the more you use it the easier and stronger it becomes.

The final part is this, there may be situations that require a ‘maybe’ answer.. they are not a ‘I would rather not’ and not a ‘yes’ they are a ‘maybe’, can you feel what’s that’s like?

Can you think of a situation where you are just not sure of what to answer.  You don’t get the ‘happy’ feeling on the inside and you don’t get the ‘no’ feeling either it’s kind of in between.. well, that’s a call for more information so start to ask some really good questions, in fact brilliant questions.. first of all think ‘what do I need to know about this situation that will allow me to make a good decision’?
Imagine that you have been asked to go on holiday with a friend, the place seems interesting but you have a ‘don’t know’ going on… ask yourself what needs to happen for me to have a good time?   Your brilliant questions may be ‘ will I have my own room’?, ‘Will I have space in the evening for myself’’? ‘Will  we be go out to eat in the evening’? ‘How does the week need to work out’? ‘What would happen on your ideal holiday if you were to go away with this friend’?

Each question you ask, gives you more information, keep asking both yourself and your friend until you have enough information so that you can either answer ‘yes’ or ‘I would rather not’..

So begin to consider…..How valuable and honest is your ‘yes ‘if you don’t say ‘no’?

Do you adapt to situations and put your own needs at risk?  And when you do that, what happens to you on the inside, to your spirit to your heart, to your very own self?

If you say yes when you really want to say no, are there certain circumstances when this happens, or with certain people, or do you do it most of the time?  What can you notice and learn about that?

Keep increasing your awareness about yourself and you will find you are also increasing your awareness around others.  Keep being curious, its like life blood, it leads to wonder, it leads to new possibilities……

Till next time, take care
Love Ali

Ali Plowright

How many of you have brains that have trouble switching off, high sensitivity, vivid imaginations and thoughts that sometimes don’t like to be tamed. Thoughts that keep you stuck and stop you even getting started?

Last week I joined a group of people who had been on retreat together for 5 days, I joined for the last 2 days. The place was a quiet backwater but what was happening there was anything but quiet. The place was in Snowdonia in the UK, the retreat house was surrounded by small shrubs and bushes all turning the most beautiful autumn colours of red, yellow, and deep orange. In front of the house was a large lake and in the distance the mountains covered in sparkley white snow. It was so very beautiful, the wind stirred up the ripples on the lake in just the same way as the meditation and sharing a space together stirred up the ripples inside all of us. It was a time to be aware, to cultivate an attitude of awareness and curiosity.

The group lovingly opened and let me in. I took the challenge of fast integration and the dumping of everyday life. My challenge was to swallow my doubts around being accepted and being liked and getting into the mindset quickly and easily. I was also concerned about changing the energy of the group, so many thoughts were whizzing around in my head, you can hear them cant you, I was in fast mode and everyone else was in slow awareness! I gave in, I became aware of a desire to take it steady, to listen on the inside to what my body wanted to do and take it step by step, little by little, relieve the pressure and know that it was important to do what felt ‘right’ for me and to know that that would also be ‘right’ for the group, to be mindful.

Keeping that unbroken surface on the lake and silencing the inner critic, the vivid imagination, the untamed thoughts is a job for life isn’t it, and not for the feint hearted. What happens when you drop that pebble into your lake, where do the ripples go to? Does it just affect you or others who care for you or those who work with you, or those you care for, or does it give pleasure or consideration? What would life be like to live with an awareness that allowed you to see what would happen to those ripples before you dropped the pebble? Would you pick up a different one or just not drop it at all?

Can you think of a situation right now that you are wrestling with? Take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. Look at it from underneath, from above, from the left and from the right. When we get troubled we often get tunneled vision, all we can think of is that particular thing, do you know that kind of thinking? : ) So take a look from a different place, create a different view. From your lake take a look at the mountains, what colour are they, how steep, what kind of vegetation is there, how tall are they, what lives there etc etc and now back to your problem. Is the ‘pebble’ the same or different?

What if everything you do you do with an awareness of the direction you want to move in. Slowing things down will also allow you to be aware of your thoughts can you do that without judging or blaming? Be curious, be playful and you may find out more than you imagined.

I felt so privileged to hear the conversations of those who had been deeply moved by their experience last week, sometimes the words came out so slowly that we all sat gently waiting for each carefully chosen word to appear and convey just the right message for that moment. How often do you take the time to consider your words and actions, and do you consider how they impact on yourself and others?’ How often do we just blurt out what is in our heads?’ On the other hand when do you not share what you are thinking? Are there words that you keep inside, you just think them in your head for fear of seeming too emotional, too caring, too gushing, too stupid, too sensitive, too outrageous?’ and how would the world be different if you shared some of those?

I once read that words are like feathers, once out in the world they blow away with little chance of recovery, so take some time to choose the right ones……
The people I joined in this still place without the stresses and strains of life chose their words well, do you? Maybe you could try this:

If I know that I have something cooking on the inside and need to voice what’s happening I prepare the person I am talking to by saying this: ‘There is a conversation I want to have and it may be a little uncomfortable, can we talk, and is now a convenient time?’ It allows the other person to prepare because remember they are not in your head and they probably know nothing at all about what you are going to talk about. Try it out and see what happens…..

On the retreat there was a beautiful woman who shared some thoughts on her life, she said that she found herself in a quiet backwater, it was safe and she felt safe, but somehow her life had no edge, she said she needed to get back into the flow with all of its difficulties and joys. She reminded me of a quotation I read many years ago and which still has the effect of giving me a metaphorical shake… ‘

Ships are safe in harbours, but they are built to go to sea’.

Do you sit safely in your backwater, pretending that everything is fine? It’s a safe place isn’t it, but is it a fulfilling place? Is it fun? Is it joyful in there? Are you using all of yourself?…. ships are built to go to sea…… if you were to wake up tomorrow and a miracle had happened, what would let you know? what would you be doing? How would you feel? What would you see? what would you hear? Ahhhhh, now what is the very first tiny step that you could take to make that happen? And even if its having that thought you have already began : )

To finish today I want to share this film with you… On a Monday I receive a short films alert and this weeks is beautiful and so thought provoking. I wondered if you would like to watch it too? The guy, Nic Askew, always manages to capture such spirit and humanity and his films move me so much, he is doing what he loves and also giving so much to all of us who watch and take in, I wonder what his tiny step was and I wonder if he ever thought he would give so much to so many just as the woman who features in this film did…
This is the link:

http://www.soulbiographies.com/2008/11/in-the-life-of-another/

Take care and have a great week

Ali Plowright