I hope February, is a good start for the year for you. The weather seems to be as unpredictable as our feelings can sometimes be   I’ve just returned from an amazing month away and want to share some of it with you… there were lots of lessons and learnings that came out of this particular trip and I will share these with you over a several blogs, and here goes with the first one…

Overwhelm and tension and self-awareness…

My reasons for travelling were two fold, to spend time with my son in Delhi and to do some voluntary work in Bhutan. My son Adam lives and works in New Delhi, India. He is a journalist and moved there at the end of July. I also have a colleague who invited me to go to Bhutan to do some voluntary work and the two seemed to fit nicely together so I formed a plan : ) and a great plan it was. I stayed in India for 12 days, then 10 days in Bhutan and a further 4 days in India, the breakdown was perfect and gave me, an HSP, time to get used to where I was, to learn how things worked in a different environment and had some amazing experiences!

Travelling gave me the luxury of time, to become even more aware of myself and others and to notice when my overwhelm kicked in and how to coach and manage myself.

I arrived in Delhi on Christmas Eve at 6.30am. The flight was fine, I had flown in via Helsinki and because of the cold snowy weather my time in Helsinki was slightly longer than planned. I came out of baggage collection in Delhi a bit bleary eyed and tired and was greeted by so many faces and so much colour and noise that I just didn’t know where to look. It was fascinating and I was also pinching myself to make sure I was really there, my body was but I have learned that it takes my mind a while to catch up, and it was probably still in Youlgrave packing my case

Now for those of you who have read Elaine Aran’s book ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ you will know that there is a type of HSP who loves sensation, well that’s me, always up for a new experience, food, people, cultures, I love it… so here I am at Delhi airport and its amazingly fascinating and I just don’t know where to look next… the level of noise was incredible, the hooting of horns, shouting, loud conversation, and all the different faces, they all held my attention, different colours, some with turbans some without, the different coloured turbans, the bright sari’s.. it was amazing and amongst that sea of faces was a piece of cardboard with my name on it.. ‘Ali’ written in black ink, that was all it said and I don’t think I have ever been so happy to see my name written on a piece of cardboard ever before. What luxury, it was so wonderful to be collected, to be one of those people who have a name on a piece of cardboard… I usually fantasise about those names and wonder what it is like to be collected and not have the worry finding the train, or the bus, and here I was being one of those people, being collected and whisked away from so much sensory overload into the quiet car where I could watch and gasp… I watched from the safety of my bubble without the overwhelm.. and what struck me was this…
Because I love new sensations and things happening I am immersed and while I was immersed in the situation I wasn’t aware of any overwhelm or how that situation affected me, it was only in the car, as I allowed myself to sink into the back of the comfortable seat, that I felt my tiredness, the fog in my head and the tension in my body… funny what we learn isn’t it? I’m amazed that I didn’t know this before about myself… well in truth I didn’t ever check before, I was too busy taking everything in and going ‘wow this is amazing’ …. awareness is just so important, moment by moment, day by day…

Do you notice if this happens to you? Do you have moments where you are so wrapped up in what is happening on the outside that you don’t notice what is happening to you on the inside? Do you notice the tension that creeps up your back and into your shoulders, and how your head becomes tense and for me everything somehow goes into slow motion and I’m there but in another way I’m not there… does that happen to you? HSP‘s in particular have this happen to them, do you get swept up and then feel you have been spat out?

Things to do when you find yourself in this kind of situation:

In the Taxi I pulled my shoulders up as close as I could to my ears, it kind of scrunches your neck up too, and then let them drop sharply downwards, do this 3 times! It releases the tension and feels great.

Then pull your shoulders up again and this time take a big breath in, a big breath from down in your belly while you are pulling your shoulders up. As you let your shoulders down, breathe out through your mouth, slowly exhaling, blowing gently out until your lungs are empty… can you imagine a balloon slowly deflating as you do this, breathe every bit of air out and repeat, do this 2 times… On the 3rd time imagine that the breath is draining out of your head, so your head is relaxing, you may notice that your eyes gently close, you may notice that you actually feel the changes happening on the inside of your head, the relaxation, little popping noises, cracks… take your attention to where you feel the tension and let it go as you slowly exhale and blow gently out, exhale your tension, wow what a great exercise to do, I’m doing it as I write this and loving it. Repeat until your head feels different and you really feel more relaxed, calm, in control….

The next step is to drink water, as you let go of tension you are quite possibly also letting go of toxins, so drinking water will help to flush them away…

Now, check on the inside, be curious as to what’s happening. For me I suddenly realised how tired I was and began to run my own experience… instead of the amazing outside running me… I said to myself ‘everything will be there the next day, and the next’ and so on, I relaxed, enjoyed the journey and even closed my eyes. The letting go was wonderful, I was back in control and aware of what was happening to me…

So how many times do you let the outside determine what happens to you on the inside instead of the other way around? My challenge was to keep checking in with myself, all through the holiday, to see where I was on my overwhelm scale and when I realised I needed to take back control I just sat and did some shoulder shifts and breathing and it made such a difference. What about you, can you begin to check in with yourself, especially in situations that at some level you just love but also have the ability to overwhelm you?

Just to re-cap:

1. What’s happening on the inside, are you relaxed and peaceful? If not, move to step 2

2. Pull your shoulders upwards to your ears and let them drop sharply downwards. Repeat 3 times.

3. At the same time as lifting your shoulders towards your ears, take a deep breath in. Then exhale slowly blowing out through your mouth at the same time as your shoulders gently move downwards and keep them doing down as far as you can while you are exhaling. Imagine a balloon deflating in your minds eye.. Repeat this 2 times.

4. On the 3rd time imagine all the breathe draining out of your head as your slowly exhale through your mouth, feel your head relaxing, feel the tension being breathed out through your mouth slowly and easily, notice what you notice. Repeat until your head feels clear and comfortable. You could also imagine that the breathe leaving your head has a colour, once that particular colour has all drained away you could choose to fill up those spaces, in your head, with a different colour. Notice how good you feel once you have relaxed and feel so much more comfortable..

5. Drink lots of water

Until next time…

Have fun and release that tension that you didn’t know you had

Ali xx

It’s been a while since I have written and one of my thoughts for the closing of this year is to find the time to write more, to write of different things, to share and hopefully pass on to all of you some new ways of being and some skills that have been useful to me and may be useful to you.
Because 2009 is closing I wondered if this might be useful to you, it’s a useful process for me so I guess my future is already beginning, I’m writing and suggesting and sharing…. ask yourself the questions above, to get some awareness and insights for yourself… go ahead and give yourself some reflection time before the new year begins…

I’m in India right now, in New Delhi sat in my son’s sitting room. It’s a quiet room and by that I mean its clear of clutter, his furniture is minimal and the colours are pale and calm.  He moved here with his girlfriend last August and they are creating their home together, so for Christmas they gave each other pictures and a mirror.  It reminded me of creating my first home and how empowering it is each time I have a change in my own home, move things around, give things away, buy new possessions. In a similar way the clutter clearing we do in our own heads and hearts has the same affect, by clearing our old thoughts and sifting through what worked and what doesn’t it makes way for the new and what we want…
Maybe you could spend 5 or 10 minutes doing each of the following steps

•    What have you accomplished this year, think about all the memorable things that have happened and everything you are grateful for.  Spend a few moments writing down all the things you have achieved. Writing things down and actually reading them back is far more powerful than just thinking them, it makes them real, bring them into reality.
In my sessions with people they often say, ‘Oh I haven’t achieved or done anything’, and when I challenge them a smile appears and they say  ‘yes you are right, I have done this and this and this’, no matter how small it is, record it, feel good about it… it could be even noticing the responses from others, getting up earlier, cleaning your teeth before bed, painting your toe nails, putting in the effort to have made that call when you were tired knowing it would mean so much to the other person, putting someone else first when you know it will make a difference to their life, putting yourself first which might be a new experience.  There will be many milestones that you have achieved in 2009, get going with that pen and paper and be surprised

•    Now think of the things that happened or you experienced or you actually did and decide if there were ones that you don’t want again, what would be best left behind?  This is a great time to de clutter and that can include: unhelpful habits, behaviours that hurt you and others, limiting beliefs and people you no longer wish to spend time with.   You could even close your eyes in this piece and  ‘on the inside’ have a wander around your house, inside and outside, and see the areas that you would like to change and the things you want to discard or clean up. Again write all this down, make a list of the things that you want to leave behind.  It doesn’t mean they all have to be done now, but it’s useful to know and refer back to

•   Now, what do you want in your future?  It’s yours to choose, what do you want in your life that’s not already there?  What would you really like to experience and enjoy?  What would really enhance your life?  What do you want more of?  If your life is exactly as you want it to be what would you see, are you on your own or are there others with you?  Are there new skills that you would like to learn?
Dream and allow your imagination to run wild, really feel what it would be like to achieve these things, be there…then… cut pictures out of magazines and make a collage, draw pictures, get some felt tips, mind map, make notes… get it down somehow, capture those dreams and be amazed as they manifest in your life…  If you just don’t know, and that is possible, then ask yourself this question “If a miracle happened while you were sleeping, and when you woke up tomorrow, the things in your life that you want the most had happened, how would you know there had been a miracle?  A great question isn’t it? …. So what would you see when you woke up, and how would that feel and would you hear anything that would let you know a miracle had taken place? Then capture all of that…. for some of you this may be very emotional to actually allow yourself to have what you really want, maybe for the very first time…
If we don’t have a map of where we are going how do we get there, well the truth is we don’t… so give your conscious and unconscious mind some stuff to really get its teeth into and draw those things to you that you really want.

•    Now when you have done all of this there is one more, well a couple of things to do.  Firstly, forgive yourself for all the things you wish you hadn’t done, or did do that you felt were inappropriate, be kind to you, let these things go and learn from the experience, find the silver lining and pearl in the oyster
And now the fun bit, read through your accomplishments and really feel how great this is for you, I don’t know how you will imagine this, it could be a silver thread running through those words on the page, it could be a shaft of light illuminating those brilliant words and sentences, or you may hear a piece of music and have feelings in parts of your body that make you smile
Now think of a time when you were really determined and strong… think of a specific time in the past, be there now and look at the things, behaviours and people you want to let go of, and notice what happens, you may even be able to put a date on some of those things.. exactly when you want that to happen, just feel those feelings that you associate with making things happen for yourself…notice how good it is to let go of the things that no longer nurture you, hold your attention or allow you to feel good… wow that’s great isn’t it??
Now look at your future that you are entering now.. those dreams that are already beginning, those pictures, words, images that you have put into your future and imagine that they are already here now, you are living them… feel the energy, the excitement,  the pull of Your Life, the one you are creating now, one step at a time… when you imagine and dream you attract what you want, you create what you want, after all you are the creator of your own life, are you not?  I’m not talking here about wishing for this future, I’m asking you to step into it and experience it…

I remember reading a story about a man who at the age of 19 sat and dreamed of how his life would be in his future, he saw where he would live, the detail, what he would do on the way, the experiences he would have, the kind of people he wanted to meet and his work etc etc.  he wrote it all down put it in an envelope and mailed it back to his old address and asked his mum to keep the envelope and not to open it… years later when his Mum had died he was clearing through her belongings and found the envelope.  He was 50 years old when he opened that envelope and to his amazement he had accomplished almost all of his dreams that he had written down all those years before… it was possible for him and its possible for you too… so instead of  living in the past, which is what it is your past that and move into your present and open it and realize that every step of your present is creating your future, live with an awareness that each and every moment gives you either a smile or a frown and as a close friend said to me this morning smile until your happy… go create the life that makes you happy.  2010, is going to be a special year for all of us.

A very Happy New Year to all of you from me in India, Namaste….

Sorry this is a little late,  for some reason I couldnt publish on New Years Eve and so here we are the 4th January and I am now in Bhutan and getting ready for another adventure… my thoughts from last year are already turning into reality and I hope that your will be too.  Happy reflecting, thinking and creating…

I skied for many years with the same group of lovely people,  our kids all grew up together and enjoyed fun in the snow.  We used to be up early and out to catch the first lifts up the mountan and skied till we dropped, and then would stay up chatting in the evening and then up again the next day to ski again etc etc.  I used to get home after the holiday and feel completely exhausted and I didn’t understand why, I used to want another holiday to recover! What I realise today is how I made myself keep up with everyone else, I couldn’t ‘let the side down’. I wanted to fit in, wanted to be the same and yet every holiday I would get back home so very tired.  Today I realised just how I put my own needs on hold back then, I didn’t listen to my inner voice, and I didn’t listen to my body, I really hid my own needs in order to be liked and included. Actually it was all a little too much and I would have liked to have taken some time for me at some point during the day.  Do you ever do that?  Do you find that you can be a chameleon and you fit in with a situation and or people, even when you know that deep inside its not ok for you?

So let’s do a little experiment, a little self hypnosis……

Just take a moment, close your eyes…… take a deep breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Feel your shoulders drop down…. Feel your body begin to let go……Allow the out breath to be twice as long as in the in breath and exhale really slowly, blowing slowly, slowly out …. And repeat several times…..  and then just ask yourself these questions….

Where do I feel most the comfortable?

Think of a situation where you were really happy, contented, peaceful, in touch with yourself… for some of you it may be on a beach, for others, it may be in your bed, in a forest, on a mountain, by a waterfall  or you could even make a place up… but here’s the important piece… really get in touch with what’s happening on the inside, deep inside, notice how you feel, be curious, be aware, what does this feeling feel like, realy take your attention al the way down, on the inside….. and now give it a name… it could be ‘peaceful’, it could be ‘warm’, it could be ‘calm’, could be ‘in touch’, joy, ME, whatever it is will be perfectly right just for you and sit with that and get to know it, really get to know it well.

Now think of a situation where you found yourself somewhere or with someone and wished you weren’t there.

What does that feel like?  The same as the above situation or different?  What does that feeling feel like, do you want more of it?  I didn’t think you would  )  So what would happen if you had an invitation and noticed  ‘this feeling’ on the inside and it meant you didn’t want to go or the situation just wasn’t compelling enough.  Would that change the way you respond?’  If you felt that feeling even for a fleeting moment would you hesitate before you said ‘yes please’’? Would that give you enough time to ask yourself, ‘Do I really want this’?  Could I say ‘no’, or ‘I would rather not’. Could you say something that honoured you and the other person?  How would that go?   It might go like this… ‘I really appreciate you asking me to …. and on this occasion it doesn’t feel right for me, and please ask me again’.  Getting in touch with what’s right for you and also gets you a win win situation creates a lot more comfort than being dishonest to yourself and others.  And doing this is a little like exercising a muscle, the more you use it the easier and stronger it becomes.

The final part is this, there may be situations that require a ‘maybe’ answer.. they are not a ‘I would rather not’ and not a ‘yes’ they are a ‘maybe’, can you feel what’s that’s like?

Can you think of a situation where you are just not sure of what to answer.  You don’t get the ‘happy’ feeling on the inside and you don’t get the ‘no’ feeling either it’s kind of in between.. well, that’s a call for more information so start to ask some really good questions, in fact brilliant questions.. first of all think ‘what do I need to know about this situation that will allow me to make a good decision’?
Imagine that you have been asked to go on holiday with a friend, the place seems interesting but you have a ‘don’t know’ going on… ask yourself what needs to happen for me to have a good time?   Your brilliant questions may be ‘ will I have my own room’?, ‘Will I have space in the evening for myself’’? ‘Will  we be go out to eat in the evening’? ‘How does the week need to work out’? ‘What would happen on your ideal holiday if you were to go away with this friend’?

Each question you ask, gives you more information, keep asking both yourself and your friend until you have enough information so that you can either answer ‘yes’ or ‘I would rather not’..

So begin to consider…..How valuable and honest is your ‘yes ‘if you don’t say ‘no’?

Do you adapt to situations and put your own needs at risk?  And when you do that, what happens to you on the inside, to your spirit to your heart, to your very own self?

If you say yes when you really want to say no, are there certain circumstances when this happens, or with certain people, or do you do it most of the time?  What can you notice and learn about that?

Keep increasing your awareness about yourself and you will find you are also increasing your awareness around others.  Keep being curious, its like life blood, it leads to wonder, it leads to new possibilities……

Till next time, take care
Love Ali

Ali Plowright

Beginning to write again is opening channels that have been closed for a some time, so thank you to all of you who have encouraged and gently suggested! I hope you all enjoy this and please do respond, I would love to know what you think of these words and what you would like more of!

The American election has stirred many emotions, it feels we are really moving into a new era, the Americans wanted change and some of you do too. But change when it actually happens is not easy is it? We like to stick with what’s familiar, safe and comfortable. Often, there has to be a catalyst before we can move into a different space and of course there are those people who just make a picture and a movie, imagine it, feel it and step right in. How do they do that? A friend recently left her career, I had sat with her listening to what she wanted and suggested she visualised what her life would look like in the future, how she would feel, what she would see and what she would be doing in this ‘other’ life. She rang me one day and was so happy, ‘you sound great, are you living your life?” I asked, and she replied, ‘yes I am because I visualised what I wanted, I saw the detail, felt it and I just walked out of one life, and created the new one. And because I just know this is what I want I am more ME.” Giving yourself permission to be ME is a biggy for a lot of people. In my experience of working 1 2 1, one thing that reduces most people to tears is when they really get in touch with what they want and they say’ this is ME, this is really ME.’
Are you really being you? How can you move yourself forward with kindness, self love and gratitude? If you can move through guilt and fear and heal yourself then what could happen? How much more of you can be offered to others if you can heal yourself and embrace more of the ME that is waiting patiently inside? I remember reading a sentence that said ’instead of choosing to be right choose peace’. So how can you peacefully choose to be more of who you know you want to be and can be?

In his victory speech Obama said ‘This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we cant, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can.

And YES YOU CAN TOO, CANT YOU?

See you soon
Ali

Last week I joined a group of people who had been on retreat together for 5 days, I joined for the last 2 days. The place was a quiet backwater but what was happening there was anything but quiet. The place was in Snowdonia in the UK, the retreat house was surrounded by small shrubs and bushes all turning the most beautiful autumn colours of red, yellow, and deep orange. In front of the house was a large lake and in the distance the mountains covered in sparkley white snow. It was so very beautiful, the wind stirred up the ripples on the lake in just the same way as the meditation and sharing a space together stirred up the ripples inside all of us. It was a time to be aware, to cultivate an attitude of awareness and curiosity.

The group lovingly opened and let me in. I took the challenge of fast integration and the dumping of everyday life. My challenge was to swallow my doubts around being accepted and being liked and getting into the mindset quickly and easily. I was also concerned about changing the energy of the group, so many thoughts were whizzing around in my head, you can hear them cant you, I was in fast mode and everyone else was in slow awareness! I gave in, I became aware of a desire to take it steady, to listen on the inside to what my body wanted to do and take it step by step, little by little, relieve the pressure and know that it was important to do what felt ‘right’ for me and to know that that would also be ‘right’ for the group, to be mindful.

Keeping that unbroken surface on the lake and silencing the inner critic, the vivid imagination, the untamed thoughts is a job for life isn’t it, and not for the feint hearted. What happens when you drop that pebble into your lake, where do the ripples go to? Does it just affect you or others who care for you or those who work with you, or those you care for, or does it give pleasure or consideration? What would life be like to live with an awareness that allowed you to see what would happen to those ripples before you dropped the pebble? Would you pick up a different one or just not drop it at all?

Can you think of a situation right now that you are wrestling with? Take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. Look at it from underneath, from above, from the left and from the right. When we get troubled we often get tunneled vision, all we can think of is that particular thing, do you know that kind of thinking? : ) So take a look from a different place, create a different view. From your lake take a look at the mountains, what colour are they, how steep, what kind of vegetation is there, how tall are they, what lives there etc etc and now back to your problem. Is the ‘pebble’ the same or different?

What if everything you do you do with an awareness of the direction you want to move in. Slowing things down will also allow you to be aware of your thoughts can you do that without judging or blaming? Be curious, be playful and you may find out more than you imagined.

I felt so privileged to hear the conversations of those who had been deeply moved by their experience last week, sometimes the words came out so slowly that we all sat gently waiting for each carefully chosen word to appear and convey just the right message for that moment. How often do you take the time to consider your words and actions, and do you consider how they impact on yourself and others?’ How often do we just blurt out what is in our heads?’ On the other hand when do you not share what you are thinking? Are there words that you keep inside, you just think them in your head for fear of seeming too emotional, too caring, too gushing, too stupid, too sensitive, too outrageous?’ and how would the world be different if you shared some of those?

I once read that words are like feathers, once out in the world they blow away with little chance of recovery, so take some time to choose the right ones……
The people I joined in this still place without the stresses and strains of life chose their words well, do you? Maybe you could try this:

If I know that I have something cooking on the inside and need to voice what’s happening I prepare the person I am talking to by saying this: ‘There is a conversation I want to have and it may be a little uncomfortable, can we talk, and is now a convenient time?’ It allows the other person to prepare because remember they are not in your head and they probably know nothing at all about what you are going to talk about. Try it out and see what happens…..

On the retreat there was a beautiful woman who shared some thoughts on her life, she said that she found herself in a quiet backwater, it was safe and she felt safe, but somehow her life had no edge, she said she needed to get back into the flow with all of its difficulties and joys. She reminded me of a quotation I read many years ago and which still has the effect of giving me a metaphorical shake… ‘

Ships are safe in harbours, but they are built to go to sea’.

Do you sit safely in your backwater, pretending that everything is fine? It’s a safe place isn’t it, but is it a fulfilling place? Is it fun? Is it joyful in there? Are you using all of yourself?…. ships are built to go to sea…… if you were to wake up tomorrow and a miracle had happened, what would let you know? what would you be doing? How would you feel? What would you see? what would you hear? Ahhhhh, now what is the very first tiny step that you could take to make that happen? And even if its having that thought you have already began : )

To finish today I want to share this film with you… On a Monday I receive a short films alert and this weeks is beautiful and so thought provoking. I wondered if you would like to watch it too? The guy, Nic Askew, always manages to capture such spirit and humanity and his films move me so much, he is doing what he loves and also giving so much to all of us who watch and take in, I wonder what his tiny step was and I wonder if he ever thought he would give so much to so many just as the woman who features in this film did…
This is the link:

http://www.soulbiographies.com/2008/11/in-the-life-of-another/

Take care and have a great week

Ali Plowright

I think all of us are sensitive, people and animals. Some of us are highly so and some of us get hurt by things we imagine others to be doing and saying. Maybe knowing, acknowledging and adding this skill to your ‘tool box’ could help you…

You can see Fynn up there in the picture with me, well he’s much bigger now and he had to have some blood taken this week. We are at the vets and she says “I need to take blood from his vein on his neck, hold his head up and away from me, and hold him tight.” The first attempt was terrible, Fynn was really scared, he wriggled and moved so she put a muzzle on him and instructed the nurse and I to hold him tighter! By this time I was getting concerned, it seemed to me that the most important thing was taking the blood and not the Dog. I wanted to take the blood in the most caring way for the dog. So I began to ‘imagine’ what would work for him, what would be more comfortable for him.… I asked the Vet to stop and asked where else could we take the blood from, she answered ‘from his leg but it takes longer and the vein is not as prominent.” ‘please lets try” I said. We took off the muzzle and I talked to Fynn and held his leg, she shaved off some of his hair and began to take the blood. Sure he still didn’t like it but it was quick, he could see what was happening, he held his head against my shoulder, he was calm and all was well.

A friend came to see me on Saturday morning and to be truthful I wanted to get out into the sunshine and it was obvious that she was in need of some support. I had to stand in her shoes and ‘imagine’ what was happening to her to be able to give her the support she needed. After we had finished she said “how did you know how I felt?” “I didn’t exactly” I said, “I just had a go at standing in your shoes and seeing the situation from your perspective which allowed me to be able to ask questions that helped you to find some answers!”

In NLP there is something called perceptual positions, its simple and helps so much with communication. You see there is 1st position which is how you see life from your own position, its life according to YOU. 2nd position is standing in someone else shoes, imagining how it is for them, feeling and seeing from their position. And 3rd position is seeing the whole situation from a helicopter view, rising above the whole thing and looking down and seeing what you see along with the feelings and thoughts that go with that kind of perspective. And there is a 4th position which is about seeing things from a team, community or family position.

All these positions reveal different perspectives. Where do you view life from and does it work? What would happen if you tried someone elses on? How could that help you to relate differently, or diminish conflict or potential conflict? What happens if you don’t do this?

A friend of mine doesn’t like cats and stated it openly to his partner. “I’ve never liked cats and never wanted to have a cat, so I wont have one.” Their long term plans are to live together and his partner has two cats. What do think happened when she heard that comment?

What he could have done was to consider what he was going to say from both his and his partners perception and then the conversation could have gone like this:

“I don’t’ like cats and I am aware that you have two and care for them and when we decide to live together we will have to talk about how the cats can fit in with our joint home and lives.’ So he could have thought about it from everyones shoes and consider the 1st perception, 2nd perception and 3rd! She may have responded “Wow, thats so cool, you considered you and me and the cats.”

How could this help you in your conversations and relationships?

Write and let me know

There is more info around this if you go to: http://www.makingchanges.co.uk/NLP.php

If you like what you read here then you can subscribe on the right hand side. All you need to do is subscribe to the email alert and then each time I write you will get a notification. I would love to know your questions and what you’re interested in and I’ll do my best to answer. It will be in Ali style and from my point of view and remember there are lots of other points of view out there… I’ll be writing about being a Highly Sensitive Person [HSP], tips on communication and relationships, looking forward to hearing from you.

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