“Never judge another until you have walked a mile in their moccasins” A North American Indian Quote

I think all of us are sensitive, people and animals. Some of us are highly so and some of us get hurt by things we imagine others to be doing and saying. Maybe knowing, acknowledging and adding this skill to your ‘tool box’ could help you…

You can see Fynn up there in the picture with me, well he’s much bigger now and he had to have some blood taken this week. We are at the vets and she says “I need to take blood from his vein on his neck, hold his head up and away from me, and hold him tight.” The first attempt was terrible, Fynn was really scared, he wriggled and moved so she put a muzzle on him and instructed the nurse and I to hold him tighter! By this time I was getting concerned, it seemed to me that the most important thing was taking the blood and not the Dog. I wanted to take the blood in the most caring way for the dog. So I began to ‘imagine’ what would work for him, what would be more comfortable for him.… I asked the Vet to stop and asked where else could we take the blood from, she answered ‘from his leg but it takes longer and the vein is not as prominent.” ‘please lets try” I said. We took off the muzzle and I talked to Fynn and held his leg, she shaved off some of his hair and began to take the blood. Sure he still didn’t like it but it was quick, he could see what was happening, he held his head against my shoulder, he was calm and all was well.

A friend came to see me on Saturday morning and to be truthful I wanted to get out into the sunshine and it was obvious that she was in need of some support. I had to stand in her shoes and ‘imagine’ what was happening to her to be able to give her the support she needed. After we had finished she said “how did you know how I felt?” “I didn’t exactly” I said, “I just had a go at standing in your shoes and seeing the situation from your perspective which allowed me to be able to ask questions that helped you to find some answers!”

In NLP there is something called perceptual positions, its simple and helps so much with communication. You see there is 1st position which is how you see life from your own position, its life according to YOU. 2nd position is standing in someone else shoes, imagining how it is for them, feeling and seeing from their position. And 3rd position is seeing the whole situation from a helicopter view, rising above the whole thing and looking down and seeing what you see along with the feelings and thoughts that go with that kind of perspective. And there is a 4th position which is about seeing things from a team, community or family position.

All these positions reveal different perspectives. Where do you view life from and does it work? What would happen if you tried someone elses on? How could that help you to relate differently, or diminish conflict or potential conflict? What happens if you don’t do this?

A friend of mine doesn’t like cats and stated it openly to his partner. “I’ve never liked cats and never wanted to have a cat, so I wont have one.” Their long term plans are to live together and his partner has two cats. What do think happened when she heard that comment?

What he could have done was to consider what he was going to say from both his and his partners perception and then the conversation could have gone like this:

“I don’t’ like cats and I am aware that you have two and care for them and when we decide to live together we will have to talk about how the cats can fit in with our joint home and lives.’ So he could have thought about it from everyones shoes and consider the 1st perception, 2nd perception and 3rd! She may have responded “Wow, thats so cool, you considered you and me and the cats.”

How could this help you in your conversations and relationships?

Write and let me know

There is more info around this if you go to: http://www.makingchanges.co.uk/NLP.php